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Which Love Language Are You in the Bedroom?
Dr. Gary Chapman’s New York Times Bestseller book entitled, The 5 Love Languages, explores the secret language of love that we all speak. By knowing you and your romantic partner’s love language, you can form a stronger bond that will endure for years to come in and out of the bedroom.
The love languages are defined as words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts, and physical touch. As unique human beings, we all respond differently to each of these languages.
Let’s examine each love language and ways we can use this knowledge to enrich our sex life.
Words of Affirmation
If you or your partner are receptive to words as your love language, then the best way to communicate your feelings and appreciation is through verbal communication. The preferred way to warm up things in the bedroom is to set the tone with sweet and encouraging words before taking action.
Granted, we aren’t all poets, so you might have to think a little bit about what you’re going to say to get your partner in the mood. Some people say that hearing the words, I love you, never gets old. That may be true, but it’s always a good idea to take your time and add some unique, heartfelt praise into the mix.
For example, if your partner has been working out, you could mention how strong and masculine he looks. Conversely, if she has purchased some new lingerie, you might want to compliment her on how beautiful she looks.
Quality Time
In a busy world where far too many of us have full schedules leaving very little time left over for our beloved, giving your partner quality time can be quite a challenge. But, for many of us, quality time is what we desire most. We want to share activities or just simple things like sipping a glass of wine in front of the fire before we are likely to get in the mood for sex.
What this means is that you must prioritize your partner. Put them on the schedule and make time for them. The keyword here is quality.
Don’t just think that you can get away with seeing them at the end of your day when you are exhausted and have little left to give, rolling into bed for a quickie. Have a nice dinner together. If you both like to cook together, then make that a special event each day so that you can reconnect and share your day, possibly as your version of foreplay that is consummated finally after you’ve relaxed and warmed up to each other.
Acts of Service
When you want your partner to ease your way through acts of service to show their love, then you want them to anticipate your needs and take initiative through action. When you walk through the door after a long day of work, it is truly nice to have your favorite drink prepared for you. Another way to show your love would be to finish up a chore that you know they will appreciate like fixing the loose handle on the pantry door or helping the kids with their homework so that you can relax.
While these actions might not sound like bedroom advice, they certainly pave the way for your beloved to relax and feel pampered enough to want to show their appreciation in the bedroom. This love language makes their desires and needs the central focus. Make dinner reservations at their favorite restaurant or spa for the weekend.
It’s amazing how loving we all feel when we feel like our partner knows us well and shows us through action. In the bedroom, consider offering your partner a night of their dreams that centers around their particular tastes without any ulterior motive.
Receiving Gifts
Some people say you can’t buy love, but you may be able to put down a healthy deposit on some prime-time loving in the bedroom by offering up thoughtful tokens to your beloved. Granted, you don’t want to trigger a Pavlovian response from your partner by offering them a gift every time you’re in the mood for love. Try some simple expressions like sweet love notes and the occasional gift of flowers or his favorite flavor of ice cream to show you care.
Remember, it’s all about the surprise and the thoughtfulness. Be sure that you buy something you know they will love. Show that you listen when they admire something in a store or on a TV commercial. The fact that you want to please them means everything to people who speak this language of love.
Sexy lingerie and vibrator sex toys to spice up life in the bedroom is not out of the question. Just remember that all your gifts should not be so obvious.
Physical Touch
When we think of sex, our mind immediately turns to physical touch. If that is your love language, then touch is very important to you. It’s not simply foreplay, but a way to show you care all the time.
If your partner expresses their affection through touch, then notice the difference between physical contact that leads to sex and affectionate hugs and daily touch that is less about sex and more about a loving gesture to show they care. It is important to read your partner and understand their particular language of love. Observation is key.
When marriage therapists say that good communication is key for a healthy marriage, they are giving us the keys to the kingdom. While we do not all speak only one language of love, we tend to favor one or two languages of love over others. Paying attention and learning which language your partner speaks will make all the difference.
Since our actions in the bedroom are connected to the overall health of our relationship, learning our partner’s love language is sure to improve your romantic life.
Harper Harrison is a reporter for The Hear UP. Harper got an internship at the NPR and worked as a reporter and producer. harper has also worked as a reporter for the Medium. Harper covers health and science for The Hear UP.
