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How to Fix a Marriage: 8 Strategies
Every thirteen seconds, there is one divorce in America. This equates to 6,646 divorces per day and 2,419,196 divorces per year.
While these statistics aren’t exactly promising, it isn’t true that half of all marriages end in divorce. In fact, divorce rates are lower than they’ve been in the past few years.
Still, it makes sense that so many divorces happen every day and every year. Marriage is much harder than it seems. While many people think they are ready to make a life-long commitment, many also underestimate the amount of work it takes to keep it successful.
If you are in the position of needing to learn how to fix a marriage, you’ve come to the right place. Wanting your marriage to be fixed is one thing, now comes the hard work.
Read on to learn a few strategies you can incorporate into your marriage-fixing journey.
1. Remake Your Commitment
When you get married, it’s often at a peak moment in your love story. Your relationship was probably the strongest it had ever been, and your love for your partner was just as unwavering.
Getting married is the easy part. Keeping the commitment to love and honor your partner as much as you did on your wedding day is a much different story.
Many people like to say that the first year of marriage is the most difficult, but marriage is always going to be difficult. Good, solid relationships take a lot of ongoing hard work.
If your marriage is in trouble, it may be due to the fact that this hard work isn’t being done anymore. Whether you’ve been married for a few months or for decades, it’s time to remake your commitment to your partner.
If you aren’t completely committed to your relationship, trying to fix it will never work. Decide now that divorce is not an option, and go all in with your partner, doing the hard work of building back your relationship.
2. Create Open Communication
Marriage problems are often a result of poor communication or a lack of communication altogether.
If you want to be able to fix things, you and your partner have to be able to openly communicate with each other.
This means being able to remain calm when your partner says things you may not necessarily like. A healthy marriage requires honesty, and you want your partner to feel comfortable telling you whatever is on their mind.
Not talking about your problems is a lot easier than dealing with them, but it will never solve them. Let your partner in on how you’re feeling, so you can make relationship goals together.
3. Throw Away Familiarity
Couples that have been together for a long period of time become extremely familiar. While this is not always a bad thing, it could be the root of your marital problems.
Being comfortable with your spouse is important, but you should never assume that you know everything about them.
If you’ve been together for a while, then it’s also quite possible that your spouse has grown and changed in ways that you don’t necessarily understand yet.
Becoming too familiar can actually cause a gap to occur between you and your partner. You think you know where they’re coming from, but you may be way off. This can cause unnecessary fights and misunderstandings.
Instead, always ask your spouse questions, and get them to talk about themselves. Be interested in what they have to say. You’ll never know one hundred percent of someone, even your spouse.
Theres always something new to discover, and the more you know, the better you can relate.
4. Work on Making Personal Changes
Because a marriage involves two people, so do marital problems. It is rarely just one person at fault.
So, instead of focusing on trying to change your partner, consider working on making positive personal changes.
Trying to change your spouse seldom works, and it will certainly cause tension between you two. Both of you probably have things you need to work on, so if you show that you are working on yourself, it will demonstrate to your partner that you are invested in the relationship.
This may lead to them making personal changes too, but again, it’s best to keep the focus on yourself.
5. Discuss Marriage Desires
Before you got married, you and your partner may have discussed what you both wanted from your marriage. Or, you may not have had the discussion at all. Regardless, both of your desires may have changed since then, so it’s wise to talk about relationship fulfillment and love languages.
What parts of your relationship make your spouse happy? Do they need more communication throughout the day? Do they need less physical affection?
What makes you feel loved and fulfilled may not necessarily be the same for your spouse. If you discuss it, you can both start to incorporate new things that can match both of your love languages.
6. Be Open About Finances
Finances can be a significant contributor when it comes to problems in a marriage because it affects every part of life.
If you and your partner do not have the same financial expectations, you wont be able to live the life that you thought you would. This can lead to increased tension and fights, especially if you never sit down to figure it out.
If you discover that your spouse has more debt than previously thought, or if someone loses their job and their income, it is never a deal breaker. There is a way to work through it all, but only if you are open about it, even when it is most uncomfortable.
Create a budget together so you can live within your means. Decide what is needed versus what is wanted. Tackle your debt together.
If both you and your spouse are on the same page regarding finances, you can work together, instead of being stressed out trying to figure it out on your own. This can greatly reduce tension and, instead, take you to a new level in your relationship.
7. Seek Marriage Counseling
Many people shy away from marriage therapy because they think it’s a place people go before they get divorced. In reality, searching for marriage counseling near me may be the absolute best way to fix your marriage.
Often, getting a new perspective is exactly what your relationship needs and an outside person who is completely unbiased can give that to you. This will allow you and your partner to communicate while on neutral ground, which can often help de-escalate any touchy topics.
Your marriage counselor can help you both see things from each other’s point of view, which may lead to discovering the root of the problem. They can also give tips and specific things to work on.
If you and your spouse go through all of the sessions and stay committed to it, marriage counseling can be an excellent and successful first step to fixing your marriage.
8. Give Your Partner Space
When you are too close to something, you often can’t see it for what it really is. This is especially true when it comes to relationships.
If you are constantly around your partner, and you’ve been with them for some time, giving them a little space could help you both tremendously. This is especially true if you’ve been trying to fix your marriage and have become a bit clingy.
Take a step back, and allow yourself to breathe in the space too.
Both of you will have a chance to reflect on your relationship and consider what is most important to you. You can see it from a new perspective and rediscover why you love and want to be with your spouse.
This space can be as simple as giving them a few nights a week to themselves. If you would normally be together during this time, you can both take the time to be by yourself.
Solitude will often bring the answers you’re looking for. Space doesn’t have to be a negative thing. In most relationships, it is a necessity.
Your Guide on How to Fix a Marriage
While learning how to fix a marriage is easy, actually fixing the marriage may not be as much. If you want a healthy, solid relationship, you will never get to stop working hard.
As long as you are together, you must be fighting for and working on your relationship. No matter how much trouble your marriage is in, if you are both willing to work on it, you will find a way. Don’t give up.
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Kenneth is a proud native of sydney, born and raised there. However, he pursued his education abroad and studied in Australia. Kenneth has worked as a journalist for almost a decade, making valuable contributions to prominent publications such as Yahoo News and The Verge. Currently, he serves as a journalist for The Hear Up, where he focuses on covering climate and science news. You can reach Kenneth at [email protected].
